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langer:

The in between times are weird.

I’ve never had my own Christmas tree before but woke up this morning and decided that this year I had to have one. I don’t know why the urge felt so immediate but then again I don’t know why I’ve recently been emailing my mother every other day asking for old recipes she used to make for me when I was growing up. I’m willing to assume these two things are related, or at least probably.

The first Christmas tree means starting from scratch. It means not having any ornaments and so it means not having any memories to pull out of a box and hang on the tree with those little metal hooks that are effectively just paper clips which you have hundreds of at home but you buy the metal clips anyway because of marketing or something. Growing up I had one ornament that was my ornament: it was a miniature ‘65 Mustang convertible with the top down and some presents in its backseat that my mother bought for me at Hallmark next to the local supermarket when I was going through a car phase at eleven or twelve and she’d just been remarried to a Christian man who came into our lives and brought all of his New Testament customs along with him and ornaments were a thing we needed now. We boxed up the menorah and put it in the basement and my older sister and I were happier this way because we’d always wanted a Christmas tree anyway.

I went to one of those seasonal shops today…

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